Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Identity Crisis

As of yesterday, I'm having an identity crisis.  That may not be the right description.  I just have NO idea what I want to do with my life anymore. Buhhh.  This seems to be the story of my's slowly been building up since high school I guess. Ever since like 2nd grade I thought I knew what I wanted to study in school, deaf education. Dead set on it until my senior year of high school.  I realized how few colleges have that area of study and how few jobs there are out there so it would completely dictate my school choices and where I lived when I graduated.  So I threw everything into nursing.  I even opted to take Honors Biology 2, which I had previously dropped because I failed the first test, instead of taking Child Development or a foods class. I worked my butt off senior year and my first two years at college to get into that nursing program.  I ate, slept, and breathed anatomy and physiology.  All that hard work paid off and I got into the nursing program. I was STOKED! Then I got married, realized how expensive and time consuming the nursing program was and wasn't completely sure it was what I wanted.  I think I got so caught up in the challenge of getting into the program that I didn't take time to think about if I really wanted to do it for the rest of my life.

So I changed my major to family studies.  I had taken a family studies course as a gen ed my sophomore year and I really liked it and thought it would be my back-up plan if I didn't get into the nursing program. I was looking at job options with it and adoption specialist was at the top of the list. So I prayed about it...a lot. Ended up changing my major and then letting my parents know...actually I had Jake let my parents know while I sat there. I was terrified lol.  Anyhow, now anytime I hear about the nursing program or see the nursing students in their scrubs I get this little pang of jealousy. But I'm really excited about working in an adoption agency. And really, once I have kids I just want to be a mom for awhile.

So Jake and I were talking a few weeks ago and somehow the idea of doing one of those second degree nursing programs came up.  I would love to work part-time once my kids are not babies anymore but still not adults and I think that would be easier to do with nursing than in an adoption agency. But I really just want kids when we graduate and I don't want to do another 2 years of school. The choices! Now pretty much every job I hear about sounds interesting. It's annoying. I have NO idea what I want to do...besides someday have kids and stay home with them. Being an adult stinks sometimes...

Enough whining's done in exactly a week for me! Then I'm a senior. Weirrrrd.


Affton said...

Katie, I can definitely relate. My degree is El. Education and I love teaching school. But being a mom was what I really wanted to be. I am so happy staying home with Austin. I still teach dance and run the dance studios but I am not so consumed with those duties that it takes away from my time with Austin. Next dance season I am actually "retiring" from teaching dance so I have more time to focus on our family. I am thrilled and can't wait to be pulled in one less direction. Being a mom is a FULL time job, but a wonderful one that is full of daily surprises.

Katie said...

Affton, I'm glad someone can relate! I guess the hardest part is that I know no matter what I get my degree in, I know I will end up being a mom. It makes it hard to stay motivated in school :/ But my main motivation is that I never want to have to tell my kids that I dropped out of college but that they have to go. Just one year left though!

Mary Cavalier said...

You never know what God has planned for you. I always wanted to be a teacher (and think I would have been a good one) but my senior year in high school I started doubting that was what I should do and then the college I wanted to attend looked way too expensive (although I could have had a full scholarship if we had applied earlier) I looked at the Associates in Science for lab technology.
There were things about my job that I hated - and things I really loved - but the main thing was the relationships with my co-workers and the short time I was able to interact with patients.
I always intended to go back for my BS and even started classes - then met your dad, got married and pregnant with you and it just did not seem important any more.
God provided job opportuninites and eventually I had a job which allowed some working from home if necessary and no holidays or weekends. I was able to be there for you and Bekah when you were sick and for Grandma and Grandpa when they were dying.
There have been times when I still wish I had become a teacher (June-Aug every year :-) and there are times I wish I could have been a stay-at-home mom - but God's plan and timing are perfect and in my case it was just not possible (you know some of the reasons). But even at those times I knew God had a plan and there was a purpose for where I was and what I was doing.
God will direct your path. Just keep seeking His guidance. Don't set your goals based on what others are doing (the nursing students) or what others think you should be doing. Set your priorities based on your faith and God will bless your choices.

Katie said...

Once again, you have wise advice, Momma. I never knew you wanted to be a teacher...or that you started classes to get you bachelors. Learn something new every day! Thank you for the advice though...I appreciate it :)